mohommedcamelranching's Xanga

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Tue, 22 May 2007 05:51:43 GMT

Alright....somebody out there HAS to be reading this, and if you are....throw me a comment!! Haha. The days are long gone when Id get like eighteen every post, Ill be happy with whatever you folks can give me.

Shoot, Id even take a comment from Lance at this point!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 03:37:08 GMT

Holy crap, its been a while folks. Haha so here I am fulfilling my promise to type a new entry....two months later. Exactly.

This ones going out to you guys from the confines of Rampy Hall at Ohio Valley University, room 226 to be exact. Tomorrow will be the last day of the second week that Ive been here, and I gotta say, I love it here. This place is pretty much the perfect fit for me - big roomy dorms, small classes, five minutes away from work. Well okay not after next week, but we'll get to that later.

Whats baffling me is the freaking smell. You walk up the stairs and as soon as you make it to the hall youre just nailed by a fairly disgusting odor of which I dont have clue of its origins. And I dont think I want to know. But THEN you walk into the dorm itself and youre welcomed by quite the cornacopia of aromas, and really there aint a one in it thats good. What gets me is I have literally no idea how it got here. All I know is that its gotta go cuz Im not sure how much longer I can breathe it. Seriously its pretty freakin toxic, you folks have no idea. And you dont WANT to have an idea, trust me on this one.

But if you can get past that, youll love it here. Its kinda weird cuz I get people all the time coming up to me saying "hey Nick" or "whats up Nick" or whatever and Ive never even seen them before. Im learning that word travels quickly around this campus, very much like Eastern or Fed Hock or whichever prison you did/do time in. I mean its the same kind of atmosphere - theres not a whole lot of people so you know everyone and everyone knows you. The other side of the coin is that everybody knows literally everything about everybody - not a whole lot of secrets go untold at this place. Not that Ive been telling any secrets, just people have been volunteering to inform me about them. Awesome.

But seriously folks, I do like it here. But I do miss seeing all you guys, you all should give me a call or something sometime. The cells 517-0748, drop me a line. Id love to hear from you.

In other news, I will be unemployed as of this coming Thursday. Yes, you read right - Im not transferring or taking a break, Im leaving the Shoe Dept and all of its affiliates. As much as I need the money, Ill be MUCH happier getting out of there. That place has turned way too many of my hairs gray and its just time for me to find another vampire to suck the life out of me. Rumor has it that Ive got a pretty good shot at as a part-timer at Electronics Boutique where Id be getting good pay and the hours that I want. Doesnt really matter to me, a jobs a job in the end - its always going to rape you of your time and your energy only with different faces and different methods of eating you alive. But such is life.

Hmmmmm beyond that, not a whole lot to report on. I think Ill drop it there. Feels good to be typin on here again, I MAY be back eventually. Haha dont laugh, I know. I probably wont. But I do look at it like everyday to see if anyone left any comments, so if youre reading this, send one my way. Ill get you one back this time, no lie.

But for all you Facebookers, Im on there now too. Im on the Eastern network so you shouldnt have any problems finding me. Until then.

Take it easy...

Nick

P.S. Im not really listening to Saliva. Just thought Id put it in there cuz it went along with the following post from April of 2005.

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MY FIRST ENTRY - maybe itll take some of you folks back.

Welp I finally decided having a Xanga to post a blog would be a bit easier than using my own HTML, so here it is. First post ever baby!

I guess the first place to start would have to be prom. Since I basically decided on Thursday that I wanted to go, I had quite a bit of rushing to do to get ready. Believe me, DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME. EVER. You'll end up paying like 30 bucks to take yourself.

Anyways, it was a bit too late to get a tux, so I got a suit. I didnt mind, I didnt really see much of a difference. I got the ticket on Friday, which of course is the day before prom. What a huge mistake. But anyways, I dont really regret paying all that for it, cuz I had a really good time.

After a morning at the library at OU working on a project due tomorrow, I got home and got all suited up and ready to go. David had invited me to go to the Wild Horse with him, Lance, Sarah Boston, and Kayla Collins. Hehe just finding each was an experience. We were supposed to meet at Eastern at 4 and then just head up together. So I got there a few minutes late, and no one was there. Thinking I might have missed em (but I really had no idea how), I called both Lance and Dave's cells, but couldnt get ahold of either of them. So I was about to just go when I realized I left my prom ticket at home. So after going back and getting it, I started for the Wild Horse. About one minute past the school, I see David and Kayla going the complete opposite direction. So I do a U-turn at Sumner and race back to meet them, only to find that he turned around also. About this time, I was really hoping my nite wasnt gonna go like this. But I just pulled another Uie and followed them up.

We got there and sat down, got some drinks, and eventually Lance and Sarah showed up. We ordered, and soon comes in this huge crowd of prom-goers on the opposite side of the room. And yeah, the class of 1957 behind me as well. The food wasnt too special...the "spicy" crusted pork chops arent as hot as you might think. But thats okay.

After that...we went to Wal-Mart. I still have no clue why. Actually my flower or whatever fell off, so I tried going somewhere to have someone put it back on. That didnt work out so I just went to Wally World. After fixing the flower myself, I went in and caught up with the others. The ladies were (of course) checking out the shoes and Lance and David were (of course) watching the big screen display.

So after a while we headed to the prom. Needless to say, it was a bit weird walking in on my own. I think I remember like one picture being taken. Hehe

Once the party kicked off, it really wasnt so bad. I tried to hang around with everybody, but mainly stuck around with Dave and the others. I had my fill of punch, dancing (hehe), and of course, way too much rap music. I guess Im probably not one to judge, especially if you look at my track record for DJing dances.

But yeah it seemed like most of the crowd milled out at around 11:30. We stayed for another 15-20 minutes, before taking off. I went back home, I was getting pretty tired at that point. So I crashed, and that was prom. It really was a great time, Im looking forward to next year. Even tho it wasnt too bad going alone, hopefully Ill be taking someone inside next time.

But Ive droned on here for a long ways, as you can see. You can probably read the same story on Lance, Sarah, or Kayla's Xangas if ya want. But anyways Im headin outta here...by the way, if you have Yahoo Messenger, be sure to get me a msg sometime. My contact list is looking kinda pitiful right now. Hehe

Friday, November 17, 2006

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 02:46:30 GMT

Whats this? A new update from Nick Kuhn???

Not yet. Ive actually been meaning to for the past several days but tonite my minds just too drained. Took care of my first final of the quarter (pre-calc) and my head hurts.

Soon tho...I promise this time!

Oh come let's sing Ohio's praise
And songs to Alma Mater raise
While our hearts rebounding thrill
With joy which death alone can still
Summer's heat or winter's cold
The seasons pass the years will roll
Time and change will surely (truly) show
How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

These jolly days of priceless worth
By far the gladdest days on earth
Soon will pass and we not know
How dearly we love Ohio
We should strive to keep thy name
Of fair repute and spotless fame
So in college halls well grow
And love thee better ... OHIO!

Though age may dim our mem'ry's store
We'll think of happy days of yore
True to friend and frank to foe
As sturdy sons of Ohio
If on seas of care we roll
Neath blackened sky or barren shoal
Thoughts of thee bid darkness go
Dear Alma Mater...OHIO!

Brings a tear to my eye.

ADDITION: Tomorrow at eight in the morning I finish up at OU. Check for a post tomorrow nite.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 02:56:29 GMT

GO BUCKS!

THIS IS THE YEAR BABY

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 03:31:44 GMT

Real update soon folks..keep it tuned here

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 05:20:50 GMT

Well ladies and gents, after a long hiatus of the duration of around a month and a half, I am indeed updating again. Sadly I think the only person reading this thing is Sarah Boston tho - and thats why there hasnt been anything on here since May 20. Sorry Sarah.

Anywho for the most part Ive been focusing on MySpace like just about everybody else on the planet (though I still like Xanga much better). The link to it is exactly the same as this one except its myspace.com instead of xanga.com. If youre on there and were not "friends" yet stop by mine and add me.

So whats new folks? The story of my summers a pretty short and boring one: after graduation I went out of the halls of Eastern and went straight to the floor of the Shoe Dept. It seems like all that I do anymore is work - the pays awesome but the job sucks. I feel like my whole summers passing me by and Im wasting it all away doing markdowns and rolling shoes onto the shelves. Plus theres the occasional moron that buys his shoes too short and after wearing them everywhere for a week and a half decides he wants a new pair in exchange for his old one. AND theres the fact that people cant stop sending complaints to corporate for the dumbest reasons on the planet. To make a long story short - I cant wait till sweet blissful August when I transfer to the Athens store and wont have to be so stressed out all the time. That and Ill get to spend more time at church. The downside is that by August school will be extremely close to starting again and itll be post-secondary deja vu. Such is my life tho.

Ive had some pretty cool times so far tho - I went with Derek, Shawn, Adam, and Chris and his dad Rob to a Cleveland Indians game on May 31 and that was a LOT of fun. The game was sweet and we completely destroyed the hotel room that nite. And me, Chris, Rob, and Castor went up to see Shinedown and Trapt earlier this month too. That was easily one of the best experiences of my life for six reasons: first of all, Shinedown is my favorite band of all time. Second of all, it was my first live show. Third, there were all kinds of other awesome bands there, like Evans Blue, Bobaflex, and Halestorm. Fourthly, Brent Smith (lead singer of Shinedown) walked right past me during the concert when he jumped offstage. Fifthly, I acquired the autographs of everyone in Shinedown AND talked to Smith for a good thirty seconds. Sixthly, we all crowdsurfed. Like I said, it was the best nite of my summer thus far and one of the best of my life. The only drawback was the fact that it was gay weekend in Columbus and believe me folks, they were EVERYWHERE. They were on the streets, in a huge parade, in passing cars, inside eating establishments, and in our hotel as well. Castor brought up the idea that we should have a straight parade someday - if youre interested, let us know.

Unfortunately, I havent Chinesed as much as Id hoped I would have by now, but Im working on that. Tomorrow we'll be pickin some up with Tim so I guess its a start.

I am seriously pumped about the upcoming music, too. I knew that Breakin Benjamins album "Phobia" was hitting stores in August and Black Label Society's "Shot to Hell" in October, but I saw tonite that Audioslave will have a whole new record entitled "Revelations" out in September, and now I can barely contain my excitement. The next few months are going to be seriously awesome as Ill probably have all three of those CDs the day they come out.

Well Sarah have I updated enough? Hehe. Its 2:20 in the morning and I gotta head to bed. If I get some comments this time around you may see me update again soon, too. If not...who knows, maybe Ill catch ya on MySpace. Hehe. So comment me people!!

You folks take er easy...Nick

P.S. I have NO idea who WhoIReallyAmInsidex is. If youre reading this, please let me know who ya are...I got a feeling its either Sarah Boston or the same as the commenter below her (but I know who that one is).

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 04:01:27 GMT

I WILL update again soon! Keep it tuned here folks...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Sat, 20 May 2006 03:59:57 GMT

Well here it is folks. In two hours, I will have one full day left in my high school career.

Wow.

Its kind of funny actually. The emotion commanding my attention isnt joy, excitement, anger, apathy, or even sadness. Its not that Im not any of those - believe me, theyre all just kinda blending together to create one big confusing mess of feelings that Im probably not gonna be able to control come Sunday. The one thats sticking out is one I hadnt expected at all. In fact, Id written it off completely - I never imagined that in this time Id be as afraid as I am now.

I dont think Ive ever experienced a time as strange as this one. At this second in my life, there is no present. I dont feel like there is a here or now. It instead feels like Im a part of two worlds at once in a sickening coexistence comprised of my past and my future. My surroundings are coated in thick walls of fear and regret that reach as far as I can see. Theres a destination ahead of me and a path behind me, and while Im in neither of those places, Im not "here" either. I cant really say where I am - like I said, it feels like a blend of both and that is taking up everything. There is no today, only yesterday and tomorrow.

And you think youre confused.

The path behind me is soaked with anguish and littered with regrets. I can see every one of my failures and miscomings, my mistakes, my sins, my secrets. Ive had a lot of them, and Id say that eighty percent of them were my own fault. There are so many that stick out in my mind and I know there are many more that, luckily for me, I cant remember. Revisiting those times feels like treading on broken glass in my bare feet but somehow I cant get past them. Its funny how my worst fear has always been failure and yet Ive managed to do so more times than I can possibly count. I think for the most part, a lot of my childhood sucked. For the longest time, I was the outcast. I was the geek that nobody talked to publicly and everybody loved to put down. I only had a few friends for a lot of my time at Eastern Elementary, and really it was my fault, like all the others. As usual, it was mostly because of my own decisions and priorities.

But it wasnt always like that. The ground of my memory basks in as much sunlight as (if not more than) it does under stormclouds. There are a few friends that I owe my entire life to - weve been close from the earliest times to today. Ive known a lot of these people my entire life and I count some of them as my own family. Well get to them later.

I look back as far as I can, deep into the furthest recesses of my mind. Haha..believe it or not, I can remember sleeping in a crib. I dont know how old I was, but I have one particular memory of being in what is now the TV room upstairs when I didnt have a brother and peeking my eye out the crack of the door to find mom. Eventually I got my own bed in my own room and I dont remember a whole lot then. I was little. But before I knew it, Alex came into the family. I distinctly remember holding him in the hospital when I was two. I was really mean to him when I was younger...which I regret now. Hahaha..grandpa always used to say that it wouldnt be long before hed grow up and be able to beat me up, and sure enough, hes squatting over 300 and working daily - hes very capable of knocking the crap out of me. But he and I have kept a very close relationship over the years and weve both decided that we dont want that to change. Hes probably the best friend Ive ever had and Im more than proud to call him my blood brother.

Tuppers Plains Elementary holds perhaps the best memories of my life. I went into kindergarten really nervous and homesick but I came out with some of the best friends of my life. Whether he'll admit it or not, Bryce used to do splits back then. Castor and I got in a footrace once and he destroyed me (of course, that would never change), and he told me he got so fast by "eating a lot of chicken." Yeah seriously. Haha. We had T.A.G. in that room behind the cafeteria, Mrs. Tripp was the devil, Adam always packed cereal for his lunch, Mark punched the crap out of Jesse during music one day...haha all good times. Some of the best were at recess - I remember when Ashley broke her arm falling off the slide once. When I wasnt on the swingset, I was on the merry-go-round trying to figure out why the girls would chant "we must, we must, we must increase our bust." I played tee-ball/baseball with Chris and Taylor Boyd all the way up to fourth grade. I stopped cuz 1) I wasnt very good and 2) neither were my teams. My first girlfriend was in the third grade. Her name was Audrey and I remember it was Ashley Boyles who hooked us up. We only went out for like a month cuz once summer came around, she moved and I never saw her again. Hmmm.

Mom did piano lessons back then and through them I got to know a few people pretty well. First it was Ashley Boyles, and we used to talk A LOT. Well okay pretty much she just talked and talked and I listened. Pretty soon Brittany Bissell was taking em and me, her, and the Jarold would play army while she waited on her grandma to come get her. Hehe.Casey Smith and Jessica Boyles also came, but I never really interacted with either of them. Oh and Sarah Boston took em too. But I cant really remember talking to her a lot then, I think I really started talking to her in high school.

But the schools soon consolidated and I found myself at Eastern. I met a lot of new people from the other schools, and though I didnt know how it would turn out (I mean hey we were having to go to class with Chester Cheaters and Riverview River Rats man!), we all jelled pretty quickly and things went well. At least for most everyone else. Those years were kinda tough - I was the one who liked reading books and Star Wars. Man I used to be so obsessed with those movies, I mean no wonder I was so unpopular. Haha. I remember Lance asking Mrs. Chadwell what a lesbian was and Castor was the one who told him (big surprise there). I remember going to Rossi Pasta and got asked out by Tonya Barber on the bus (.....), the funny thing was I remember a now-Southerner asking if when Tonya was done dating me she could have me. Hahahaha boy if I had a nickel for everytime that happened to me....well I guess Id have about five cents. Ray Sargent came back then and we continued our friendship, but it wasnt long before he was gone again. I was the man when it came to dodgeball and matball, and I remember when Mrs Arnold broke out the hockey sticks we all ended up just slapping each other as hard as we could (Brittni Hensley hit me so hard between the legs once that I was on the ground motionless for like two minutes). I played basketball for Mr. Weber in sixth grade, then Cozart showed up in junior high and all of a sudden we were awesome. Hehe. I had my hair buzzed super short and Jeremy Casto, my coach at the time, ended up calling me Goldberg (cuz of the wrestler and how he was bald). To this day he refuses to call me anything but that.

And then high school came. Id been used to having all-As my whole life and being at the top of the class, but I ended up screwing myself out of that right off the bat when I started slacking off in Algebra. Haha Chucks fart in that class freshman year still holds the top spot on my list of all time worst farts list (altho Cari has to come in a close second on the way home from the senior trip...wow..). It burnt my nose. Hehe. Anywho, I still wasnt very popular back then, but things were getting a little better. Keyboarding with Ryan Wachter, Adam, Megan Venoy (who ended up going into homecoming with me only after she found out at the game that her date couldnt go..gee thanks for that!), Andrea Grueser, and Abbie Chevalier was the best class Ive ever been in. We got away with anything and everything - ask anyone just how many times I almost got thrown out of there that year. Hehe. And somehow, even though Ryan and I did NOTHING in there, I came out with the highest grade. That still gets me.

Sophomore year was when I finally got tired of things. I started swearing. Though I wasnt always getting made fun of, I was invisible. And that was a million times worse. The only really good thing that I can remember of that year was computer tech, that class was so much fun. I learned a lot about computers and half the time we didnt do anything anyways so naturally it was sweet. It was at the end of that year that I decided to go post-secondary.

Thats where I was for my junior year - Ohio University. It was the first year that I actually learned anything: my astronomy class was probably the most interesting class Ive ever been in. In fall quarter, I had a huge gap in-between my first and second classes, so I would bring my comforter in the van and sleep in the back, using my cell phone as an alarm to wake me up. It was comfy too! Chuck and I carpooled then, and after that I didnt see him much. I also got a brand new job at this place called the Shoe Department in the mall. Winter quarter wasnt much of a challenge - Mr Caldwell's classes REALLY helped me with the grammar class that I took and my math grad student teacher just didnt show up to school very often, so I got off surprisingly easy. Spring quarter was a different story. Algebra, American Forests, and Psychology kept me stressed everyday of every week that quarter. Haha one time I skipped Psych and went to Wal Mart to pick up Breaking Benjamin's We Are Not Alone. I think I can find that on this Xanga if I look back far enough actually.

Hahaha. That was when I first got this thing. I pretty much picked it up after I met a certain somebody at prom in an attempt to get in contact with her. She was amazing and I loved every second I spent with her, but looking back on it, I dont think I did a very good job of being her boyfriend. Im happy she found someone who does though and I figure things probably worked out for the best. At least for her, and thats what counts.

Anywho..senior year. This one was perhaps the best of my life. Football and Calculus stole my appetite and my nerves but I came through both of them, and truly I wish I had played football all four years. Despite our awful record, it was one of the best experiences of my life and I have no regrets there. Homecoming was pretty boring actually, all I really remember is the fact that Ohio State lost to Penn St. and that upset me. Other than the trip, the best time I think the seniors had was when we all came in early to get in line for our research paper topics. I was the third one there, right behind Chris and Derek who got there at 3:30. I started on it in April and ended up getting the highest grade in the class on it - thats just how I roll baby.

As time went on, I found myself a bit more recognized and accepted in my class but not quite completely. I spent a lot of time with the class below me and I became something I dont remember being before. Haha I figured since it was senior year and I didnt have much to lose I just acted crazy all the time and I ended up having a lot of fun in study hall, French III, and gym with em. Hehe. I guess I was so loud cuz I didnt really want anyone to know how quiet I really I am.

Anyhow, everything finally clicked on senior trip. It was probably the best time of my entire life and I was truly sad to get home

And this leads me back to my original illustration. Haha remember? This is why Im so afraid, folks. Senior trip was really the zenith of my school career - I feel like I finally achieved what I had been working and striving for since the beginning of elementary school at Eastern. I finally felt accepted. I was one of them for the first time since Tuppers Plains. It was the realization of a dream. After being the loser kid who nobody really paid attention to for most of my life, people finally noticed me. I was "cool." I was in.

Its now midnite. And at the end of the day of tomorrow, we wont ever be together like that again. After I finally get what Ive been hoping and waiting for all my life, its gone. I have to start all over with new people, new situations, and a new me to face life's challenges. It is the saddest situation Ive ever had to deal with.

And heres my fear folks: I dont believe in the phrase "dont cry because its over, smile because it happened." If nobody remembers, if you become nobody all over again, if you come home and things cant ever be the same, then its as if it DIDNT happen. Memory isnt enough for me. I dont want to be out of the hearts and minds of anyone now that I feel like Im in them, but thats exactly what its gonna be after Sunday. I know its coming, I see it on the hazy horizon, but up till now Ive done all I can. At this point theres nothing I can personally do to stop it. And helplessness is the deepest, coldest, and cruellest kind of fear in my mind. So here I am, stuck in between the past and the future. Its not really Saturday, its just 24 hours before Sunday begins.

24 hours before I say goodbye to everything.

I just want to plead with anyone I know reading this...please dont forget me. Please dont let my entire life up to this point have meant nothing. Help me stay in contact with you. Talk to me. Write me a letter. Come hang out. Grab some Chinese with me. ANYTHING. Please, I cant let any of you go.

Im pleading with you...dont let me fade into nothing.

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To my extended family - Ryan Wachter, Lance Griffin, Chris Davis, Brian Castor, Charles Wilson, and Adam Grossnickle: Ive know all of you since I was little and you all have played maybe the biggest role of shaping me into who I am now. You have all of my thanks and gratitude - you are all my brothers and you always will be.

To my closer friends - Jessica Taylor, Zach Moore, Casey Hannum, David Maxson, Branden Batey: I feel priviliged just to call you all my friends. I have the most memories with you all and all of you are always there to help me out in a pinch. Know that your friendship is very much appreciated and I dont want to ever lose the friendships we have.

To all those friends I have or had over the years (forgive me if I didnt get you..let me know and youll be in here) - Brittany Bissell, Mark Guess, Sara Wiggins, Sarah Boston, Ray Sargent, Kayla Collins, Shannan Loscar, Brandon Goeglein, Josh Marcinko, Shawn Reed, Sarah Wachter, Linsee Davis, Chris Smith, Brandon Bartee, Nicole Young, both Ryan Davis's, Tiffany Smith, Brooke Parker, Stacy Smith, Sarah Martindale, Beth Hysell, Jason Marcinko, Amanda King, Kayla Nave, Nathan Cozart, Jeremy Basham, Bethany Vance, Amanda Windon, Michael Cranston, Richard Hoffman, Derek Putman, Alex McGrath, Glendon Allen, Grayson Allen, Jess Hupp, Ashlee Teaford, Amber Andrick, Betty Holman, Shauna Hennen, Chrissy Gregory, Cory Shaffer, Craig Hensley, Brittney Rucker, Tim Moore, Jim Will, Derek Weber, Bryan Minear, Bryce Honaker (aka Thing 2), Luke Grueser, Autumn Hauber...whew Im cuttin er off there. Im sure theres a million more but its 1 in the morning and I better wrap this puppy up. I just wanna say thank you ALL for the memories. Haha I could sit with each of you and just talk for hours about times gone, and you all mean a lot to me. Thank you for all that youve done.

Please note that the things stated in this post barely scratch the surface of all the memories. Hahaha. I summarized everything and left a lot of important stuff out, but Im sure most of its in your mind just as much as its in mine. Sit down with me sometime, well talk about it.

Be at graduation folks. Im gonna need to see all of ya.

Nick

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Wed, 03 May 2006 00:13:52 GMT

Hmmmm...where to start.

The closer I get to graduation, the more I begin to see things a bit differently than I had before. For the most part, the idea of the event has been a sentimental one - itll be finally time to say goodbye to the people Ive shared a communtiy with for most of my life. Memories of good times, friendships and relationships, grades, fashions, subjects of conversation - theyll cease to be the times that we're living and will become images that most of us will look back on one day and smile at.

But the closer the day comes, the more it changes in perspective. Dont get me wrong, I want to hold on to my past and embrace it one last time like anyone else. But anymore I think of graduation more like a fresh start, a clean slate. One that Im dreading but also looking forward to moreso than any other time of my life.

Lets just be honest for one second, folks. It doesnt really matter what anyone says or thinks - after this year, Nick Kuhn will just be a vague memory. I wont be a real person to most of you, Ill just be another face in your brain that you probably only have a couple of things to look back on with, and you probably wont want to, at that. As much as I hate it, thats life. There wont be much I can do to be anything more to any of you than that.

The question now is this: does any of it really matter?

Because honestly, people...Im tired of everything. Every single thing. Im sick of the liars. Im sick of the drama. Im sick of the arrogant, stuck-up, holier-than-thou attitudes. Im sick of the fake smiles, the insincere "Im sorries," and the silence of my friends when I need them to speak up.

When I started this year, things were great. I felt like I was back at home. I felt accepted and perhaps even liked by the people I interacted with on a daily basis. It felt like people were at least a little happy to see me again. But as time has gone on, Im back to being isolated. Ive found I dont fit in with ANYONE anymore. Yeah sure, Ill spend time with different cliques and stuff at school and maybe a little outside of it, but at the end of the day, Im not really a part of any of them. Some of its my fault and some of its not, but, again, it doesnt really matter. When worse comes to worse, its nobody's problem but mine.

I mean thats the way life goes. Its not a new concept. If its not happening to you, why should you care? And we dont unless that person means something to us. I can count on one hand the number of people who have truly helped me or cared about me this year. What does that tell me about what I mean to you folks? I mean if something ended up happening to me tomorrow, would you show up because you do truly care about me or because you wolud feel obligated to? Or would you even come?

I cant really blame anyone though. Im not too dumb or blind to see exactly who and what I am. There are some things about me that I doubt Ill ever fix. I wonder every day how Im going to find new friends, cuz I have no doubts that Ill be seeing very little of any of my old ones in the future. And as for that one special person - I dont have my hopes up there either. Its not because I think lifes just out to get me or anything, but I know there are certain things any rational person would want in their soulmate, and I dont possess those qualities. Ive tried for the longest time to attain them but I just dont know how to.

Case in point - Im tired of being Nicholas Andrew Kuhn. I want to be someone who fits in, someone people go to when they need help, someone who means something to the world. And Ive wanted that my whole life. But here I am, an adult. Ive metamorphosized mostly into the person Ill be for the rest of my life. Things havent changed before now and theres not much reason that they ever will. At least here.

And that leads me back to my original point. After graduation, all the feeble connections I have with people either shatter or fade. Ill have the oppurtunity to start a new life and hopefully become what I need to become. If nothing else, pray that I do, and do well.

Because if this is the highest point in my life, I dont think its worth living it.

Nick

Monday, April 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 03:02:26 GMT

Well folks it looks like Nick Kuhn's Xanga has finally come full circle. My very first entry was about prom last year and here I am writing about it again a year to the date. What gets me is that as much has changed since then hasnt. If youre actually reading this then you might be scratching your head...Ive addressed it in a couple entries in the past and I will again, but not this time. Tonites just not the nite, trust me.

Well my Saturday started off at (where else??) the Shoe Dept. I was up there from nine till one. It was just how I liked it: just the right amount of customers, not too many and not too few, and a steady flow of sales from start to finish. Wanda was really sick so she only stayed for like an hour before she went back home, so for the most part it was just me and Amanda running the place until about eleven when Nick Munday showed up.

One rolled around and I was outta there. I made pretty good time getting home and managed to groom myself a little bit before I headed out - a shave, a shower, a little bit of gel in the hair, a thoroughly mouthwashed, well, mouth, and a bit of cologne. While I climbed into my tux I talked to Crystal on the phone about the crosage (still cant spell it). Luckily for us, Bryan stepped in and saved the day - he brought the flowers right to us at Shultz's. I owe him some Chinese I believe.

After Mom snapped a couple of pictures, I ran out and picked up Shannan (who was looking gorgeous) and we headed out to Shultz's house to meet everyone. We ended up being the first ones there, but it wasnt long until Putman and Sarah showed up, then Bryan with the flowers. Linsee and Josiah, Chris and Beth, and Cheyenne and Josh all ended up out there. Those of us in tuxes did our best to stick to the shade as the parents and grandparents and relatives took a hundred pictures. But after all the fussing was through, we all packed up and headed for Kokomos.

Believe it or not, it took us less time to get to Parkersburg than it did to find the place - we drove around for a good forty minutes before we finally figured it out, hehe. I thought we were gonna have to just swim across after a while, but luckily for all of us, we did find it mostly using paved roads. But anywho, I thought the place was great. I liked the atmosphere and the food was VERY good. I tried the mixed grill consisting of swordfish, halibut, salmon, and I took two sides of rice. I was very impressed, and the price wasnt nearly as bad as I was expecting. The ladies didnt order a whole lot of food...but I felt sorry for Shannan, I think she was just trying to figure out how to breathe in that corset.

On the way back to prom, we ended up stopping at Ketchum's. I didnt really know anybody there so I just kinda chilled out while the others ran around. I didnt know for sure, but I could have sworn I heard Adam Chevalier's voice in there somewhere. Maybe Im just crazy.

So after we all met up at Five Points we headed into prom. The walk-in was PACKED with people all looking for pictures. The thing didnt start till eight so everyone kinda mingled around. I ended up seeing Jess Taylor for the first time in about five hundred years, I couldnt believe it. Didnt really talk to her for long tho...kind of a bummer actually. But anyways, I didnt get to see it, but Derek Young and Justin Browning's entry had to be the best in my opinion - Another One Bites the Dust and shades is really all you need to make one awesome entry.

So finally we all got in there and the party began. This year's went by so fast...I remember last year, even though I was having a blast, the thing seemed to go on for an eternity. I thought this one felt like two hours instead of four. It was a pretty good time in my opinion. I have to give the DJ my props this year, I was very satisfied with the music selection. We got a couple rockers in there, including two from Hinder and, can you believe it, Korn! I was also kind of surprised that the theme of the dance wasnt played at the very end like last year's, but then again this years prom was a lot different than last years in a lot aspects. But in any case, I enjoyed it, which is kind of surprising considering my track record for dances and the fact that generally the words "Nick Kuhn" and "dancing" arent included in the same sentence. Fortunately for me I found an extremely fun and, well, tolerant (hehe..) date in Shannan. I honestly couldnt have asked for anyone better to go with and I consider myself lucky that I even had the chance to go with her. She was great. :)

The after prom party was aight, but naturally at hours past midnite, Im dead. I just cant stay up all nite anymore, I used to be able to do it no problem back in the day, but today that skill eludes me. Me, Robbie Cross, Alex McGrath, Glendon, and David ended up getting into a rousing game of hit each other in the face with miniature beach volleyballs for like an hour and a half. Beyond that, there wasnt much else for me to do but swim around and keep my eyes open.

Tonya ended up pullin us all out at like 2:30 or something for door prizes. While Lance won knives and Sarah Boston won a hundred bucks at Wal Mart, I kept the Kuhn tradition alive and won absolutely nothing. Not even fingernail polish like Shultz. I didnt really care tho, at that point I was the walking dead. I ended up forgetting where my keys were about five minutes after I laid em down twice. And I think I managed to very wonderfully leave my tie up there (but Im pretty sure Mrs. Faulk has it, at least according to Lance).

I got home at like 3:45 or something like that and got about four hours of sleep before I woke back up for church, and the rest, as they say, is history.

So yep, all in all, I think my senior prom was good one to go out on. I know I personally could have been a much better date than I was...but luckily for me she put up with me for most of the nite and for that I am truly grateful. Like I said, I couldnt have been happier with my date and Ill remember that for the rest of my life. I cant believe that now my senior prom has come and gone...and in just a few short weeks now Ill graduate. I dont know folks...it doesnt feel like it lasted long enough. Im not even close to ready.

But anyways thats where Im stopping tonite. Im glad everyone made it safe last nite and hopefully a good time was had by all. Im getting to bed, I probably should have gone a couple hours ago. Hehe Im running on four hours of sleep.

Take it easy folks...Nick